Abuse

Bhuddist hands

Sexual abuse?

A couple of years I read a couple of newspaper articles about a letter written by some former students with accusations of sexual abuse against a well-known Bhudist Lama. I will not use his name nor that of the school he teaches because I cannot know whether these accusations are true. I came upon his name however earlier in a book from a Dutch writer who for years has visited the compound and learning facility where this Lama teaches for long stretches of time. In the book the writer described the young women that hung around the Lama as a kind of medieval ‘courtiers’ doing his bidding and most likely sharing his bed. It seemed to me that the writer had no reason to make this stuff up and it was not a large part of his story, so this might be true.

Although this blog will show that I am a strong proponent of sexual freedom, the perceptions I read in the book, did not give me a very good feeling. It seemed to me that the roles of teacher and sexual partner got mixed up. Sexual partnership may be based on a lot of different kind of connections, just for play, coming from love, or looking for adventure. When it is based on a teacher-student relationship the student may run the risk of getting hurt. This could be when the student agrees to things not because he or she likes to do them but because they feel obliged to do so. If that is the case the student does not act out of its own free will and of pure motives and may get hurt. I try to look at this from outside our ‘normal’ (as in norms and values posed on us by society) scopes and views, with an open mind but where does that leaves us? What should be decisive criterion? When the situation is unequal and somebody might get hurt because of this, it is not right. Whenever there is a relationship based on love, the risk of getting hurt is always there. And that is ok, painful maybe but okay. A lesson even sometimes. But when hurt is inherent because of the inequality built in the relationship in a way that distorts free will, I feel it is different and not ok.

If the accusations in the letter are true, this should not remain without consequences. I am not speaking about the legal aspects, I will leave those to others. If the accusations are wrong, they should be rebuffed. To find out the truth may be difficult or may not be. But a serious effort should be made to get to the truth, either way. The wide spread abuse of youngsters in the Roman catholic church is an example of how institutions – even religious ones - often place their own interest above the truth and that of individuals. It is often argued that the importance of an institution should supersede that of individuals. This argument is wrong in my view, intrinsically wrong for the people that were hurt and are not recognised. And it will rot the foundation of the institution. Because this attitude is rotten.

Another angle is that this situation - when true – shows that it can be kind of dangerous for teachers to become guru’s or kings. Even the kind of teachers that should be quite detached from the world, like bhudist Lama’s and catholic priests and monks, and who should be oblivious for fame and stuff like that can go wrong. They are only human. This also means that it is our responsibility to keep our feet on the ground and not idolize the teachers.

The Lama in question has stated to go into a three year retreat. A retreat to look inside seems a wise decision. Whether it has to be three years, I cannot say. I am far from qualified to have an opinion about that. But a retreat should wait until the situation is examined and the lama is either exonerated or has owned up to what has happened and has sincerely asked the students in question for forgiveness. So they can heal if they were indeed wronged.

I wish the bhudist community a lot of wisdom to get to the truth and give the persons involved the possibility to heal. I wish the writers of the letter that truth will prevail and will heal, either way. I wish the Lama in question a lot of wisdom and strength, also in case the accusations would be wrong.

Ludicolous